100% Fanhood Theory

Due to many allegations from people about my allegiances and my accusations of other people’s allegiances, I have come up with a plan/theory which will hopefully solve all fan base questions.

Due to the fact that we live in a country which embraces several sports (not just one, cough, soccer, cough) there comes a time in which some sports are favored than others. The NFL is regarded as the top sport in the country, with the Super Bowl being the biggest primetime event each year, etc. But talk to someone from Red Sox country, LA, or the South (where the Falcons, Panthers, Titans, and Saints don’t count) and we’ll differ. Obviously there are differences and some cities have stronger ties to other sports. Hence, allegiances waiver for each person and each city. That is where my hypothesis comes in. Not every fan is going to be dedicated to just one team or one college. Come Sunday the die hard college football team fan is bound to root for a pro team and visa-versa. The tailgating chest-painted “reliving his glory days” college football attendee is going to find his void the next day watching a NFL team, maybe starting an alum from his beloved college. Therefore there are two teams this now stereotyped fan roots for. How about when winter thaws out and the now stereotyped fan is in football withdrawal and must fill his weekends with sports to avoid going to home depot and olive garden with the wife? This is when college and pro basketball come into his life. At the same time the NHL and college basketball are kicking up. Eventually when the leaves start turning green, brackets are being filled out across the country and Mr. fan is checking his MLB depth chart. Then the NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, Tennis and every other sport I failed to mention are in full swing until Labor Day, when Mr. fan places the order for his bbq tailgate the days before his favorite football team’s opening game.

The point is that after all of this, is that Mr. fan has many teams to choose from, and many allegiances. Which is his favorite? The NFL team he grew up with? The college he went to? The golfer who used to play at his course? The soccer team him and his coworker enjoy watching? That is where the 100% theory comes into play. The Theory is that your fanhood is divided up among your favorite teams (every sport, college, pro, etc) to 100%. For example, a stereotypical fan from Dallas might have his fanhood split 40% Cowboys, 30% UT football (went there), 10% Mavs, 10% UT bball, 5% Stars, 5% Rangers. This can obviously waver due to the season, but when it comes down to it, would Mr. fan be crying over a Stars loss more than a Cowboys one? Is Mr. fan more crushed over the Mavericks loss in the first rd vs the Warriors or the Cowboys loss to the Eagles last year? If you don’t believe in the percentages, just think about which Mr. fan would be more upset about. There is an inherent ranking system in your head. Where would you rank your teams? I know it seems cold and calculated, but think about it, you would give up whatever to see [blank] win the title this year. Which team is filling in that blank? It’s not just seasonal, there’s the draft, free agency, spring training, preseason, and recruiting to think about as well.

I’ll admit, after doing this, there are teams I watch all the time and root for that are only 5-10%. So should I be crushed when that team doesn’t make the playoffs, has the worst record, as compared to teams that are my 30%? That’s the point. You bite it and take the higher percentage. So next time you are whining about a team that is only your 5% against my 30%, don’t come crying.

In case you are wondering:
Browns 30%
UVA Football 20%
Lebron and his band of Fighting Cavaliers 20%
Caps 10%
Nationals 5%
UVA BBall 5%
Skins 5%
Tribe 1%
Colts (Pretty much just Peyton) 1%
Wizards 1%
UVA Lacrosse 1%
UVA Baseball 1%

(Fantasy teams do not count, since they traverse cities/teams and involve money. For example an Eagles pick 6 against the Browns ended that game but won me at least $50 at the time. Also national teams, like the US World Cup team, Olympic teams, etc don’t count because if you root against them you are a communist and should be arrested)