Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus?

Here are the possible replacements for Al Groh, and some of them would make my early Christmas wish list:

Lump of Coal:

• Ron Prince, 40, not coaching. Former UVa OC.
• Jeff Jagodzinski, 46, not coaching. Former Boston College head coach.

Clothes and Books:

• Tom O’Brien, 61, head coach, NC State. Former coach and OC at UVa for 15 years.
• Danny Rocco, 49, head coach, Liberty. Former UVa Assistant Coach.

The crazy unknown gift that could be fun:

• Gus Malzahn, age 43, offensive coordinator/quarterbacks coach, Auburn. Former OC at Arkansas and “introduced Wildcat.”
• Jon Tenuta, 52, defensive coordinator, Notre Dame. Played at UVa.
• Jeff Mullen, offensive coordinator, WVU.
• Charlie Strong, 49, defensive coordinator, University of Florida.

The good gifts on your list you were expecting and were guessing correctly while unwrapping:

• Mike London, 49, head coach, University of Richmond. Former UVa DC.
• Al Golden, 40, head coach, Temple. Former UVa DC.
• Jim Grobe, 57, head coach, Wake Forest. 2006 national coach of the year. Played for UVA.
• Derek Dooley, 40, head coach, Louisiana Tech. Played for UVa, coached under Nick Saban.

The gifts not on your list but thought about:

• Troy Calhoun, 44, head coach, Air Force.
• Tim Murphy, 53, head coach, Harvard.
• Randy Edsall, 51, head coach, UConn.
• Greg Schiano, 43, head coach, Rutgers.
• Turner Gill, 47, head coach, Buffalo.
• Skip Holtz, 45, head coach, East Carolina.
• Ken Niumatalolo, 44, head coach, Navy.
• Kevin Sumlin, 45, head coach, Houston.

The awesome gift you were up all night dreaming about but weren’t expecting to get:

• Tommy Tuberville, 55, not coaching. Was the 2004 national coach of the year at Auburn.
• Chris Petersen, 45, head coach, Boise State.
• Gary Patterson, 49, head coach, TCU.
• Brian Kelly, 48, head coach, Cincinnati.

The outlandish wishes, like a pony:

• Bud Foster, 50, defensive coordinator, Virginia Tech.
• Jon Gruden, 46, Monday Night Football commentator. Former Super Bowl winning coach.
• Bill Cowher, 52, not coaching. Former Super Bowl winning coach.
• Mike Shanahan, 57, not coaching. Former Super Bowl winning coach.

Al Groh's Tenure

Now that Al Groh has been bought out, here is a look at his tenure:

Good:

• Four straight bowl appearances from '02-'05
• Five 1st rd draft picks from '05-'09
• Two-time ACC coach of the year
• Ranked as high as #6 in October '04
• 48-0 win at Miami to close the Orange Bowl in '07

Bad:

• 36-36 in the ACC
• 59-53 overall record
• Four losing seasons in nine years (his predecessor Welsh had two in 19)
• Average attendance fell by 13,000 over the past two years.
• Four different offensive coordinators in nine years

Ugly:

• Losing to William and Mary in '09 and Duke in '08
• '09 was the worst record since 1982
• Offense in '09 was ranked 118th of 120 NCAA teams, 102nd in '08, 101st in '07, 112th in '06
• 1-8 record vs VT

Browns 1st Rd Futility

After the Browns traded Braylon Edwards last month, he joined an infamous list of Cleveland Browns first round failures since their reincarnation in 1999. Here’s the company he joins:

· 1999 – #1 overall pick - Tim Couch, no longer on the team, out of football
· 2000 – #1 - Courtney Brown, no longer on the team, out of football
· 2001 – #3 - Gerard Warren, no longer on the team
· 2002 – #16 - Willie Green, arrested for drunk driving and marijuana possession in 03, no longer on the team, out of football
· 2003 – #21 - Jeff Faine, traded
· 2004 – #6 - Kellen Winslow II, self-proclaimed soldier, tore his ACL popping wheelies on a motorcycle, traded
· 2005 – #3 -Braylon Edwards, led league in drops last season, got into a fight outside a night club, traded
· 2006 - #13 -Kamerion Wimbley, still on the team, but rumored to be traded
· 2007 – #3 - Joe Thomas, still on the team
· 2007 – #22 -Brady Quinn, still on the team, but rumored to be traded
· 2009 – #21 - Alex Mack, still on the team

That’s only four remaining players on the team out of the eleven drafted. I began to think how bad could this 36% retention rate actually be as compared to the rest of the NFL during this time frame? The Lions drafted several bust receivers in a row, Cincinnati and Oakland have been laughing stocks for a while, but how is their draft success percentage compare to the Browns? Well, as it turns out, you guessed it, Cleveland is dead last. Here is the chart below:

Where does your team rank? (if you click on it, its more readable)

Some of the methodology and notes:
· San Diego has the highest success rate at an astounding 90%, and the most remaining players at nine.
· Washington and Chicago also have only four remaining players, but had one less draft pick than the Browns.
· Miami has only drafted seven players, but six are still on the team.
· Detroit, San Francisco, and New York Jets had the most picks at 14.
· Houston still counts since they have had nine picks, which is about average.
· The asterisks:
o Jevon Kearse left Tennessee and came back, so I included him.
o I did not count Larry Johnson.
o I did not count Chris Samuels or Sean Taylor.
· The NFC South has the best percentage at 67%, while the NFC West is worst at 44%.
· I could weight the picks, since the Colts and Pats picks during this time frame weren’t in the top three overall five times, like the Browns, but that’s for a different day.
· I’m sure there’s some correlation I could do between standings and these rankings, but also for another day.

Cleveland Sports 101

Do you remember things when you were three years old? How about four years old? Or perhaps when you were six? No? Well welcome to the world of Cleveland, where you are born into dashed hopes due to the exploits of all time greats named Jordan and Elway. Look closely at the highlight reels of the now instant classic hall of famers, who are the sad saps wallowing in misery? Yes, that is Cleveland. That is the city I am from and proud of it for some reason. Granted I only lived in the mistake by the lake for three years, but most of my family is from there and I went there every Christmas to enjoy real snow. But once again, the point is that I grew up living and loving this town and its sad sap teams regardless of the horrid heartbreak that came with it.

Here comes my own heart breaking tale with this city’s teams in case you don’t know. The Cavs and Indians were terrible for most of the early 90’s, but the Browns were decent, until some guy, I will politely call an asshole, cut the favorite son in the midst of a good season. The Browns did win one playoff game against the Patriots (awkward) but lost to the Steelers. New Generation Lesson 1. And then oops. Another asshole decided to move the team to the Wire, I mean Baltimore. So that ends that gut wrenching tale. Lesson 2. The Cavs of course limped on losing to some guy named Jordan for years, and for some reason we had Shawn Kemp.

Once the Browns were removed, we had to turn to another team in the city, and luckily there was a new stadium, a new slugger, and new drugs no one knew about. Due to the awesome adventures of Kenny Lofton, Manny Ramirez, and Albert Belle the Indians went to the World Series when I was in 5th grade, but of course lost in 7 games. In hindsight, the Braves and their rotation were all hall-of-famers, but that year was their only championship in the ten years of their dominance, so it’s not as crushing. I guess Lesson 3. Two years later, we make some deals, and get to the World Series again against an expansion team. We’re winning in game 7 and have a good closer to seal the deal, but oops, not good enough, he blows it and I go to sleep crying and we lose in extra innings. Lesson 4. There will always be next year, right? Umm….not really. Welcome to MLB free agency 2k edition. Manny Ramirez gone, Jim Thome gone, Lofton gone, Alomars gone. So by the time the league almost got into another strike in 02 the Tribe was just a shell of its former self.

And then the Browns came back. (Notice no smiley faces or exclamation points). Due to the success of the Jags and Panthers expansion years, the NFL decided to shit on the new expansion Browns so the first couple years were quite uneventful. But one year we pulled it together with a backup quarterback and were beating the Steelers. (Tommy Maddox? Really?) This is when I learned first hand that throwing stuff at the tv during a horrible Browns collapse was not acceptable because the outcome was supposed to be expected. Lesson 5.


May 22nd 2003: The Day it should all change:

After many years mired in mediocrity between the Cavs, Indians, and Browns, the sad sap City won for once. The little bouncing ball went the to the city that had its own river go ablaze. Cleveland won the NBA draft lottery. (Granted we had the worst record that year and had the best odds to win it, but still) Mark it down. Just looking at Mr. Gund’s face, you knew who he was taking with that pick, Detroit at #2 was on the clock (they took Darko Milicheck instead of Carmelo, Wade, Bosh, etc different post, different time).

In the meantime, the Indians pulled out of free agency hell and put together a good team in the 07 season with the best player since Man Ram in Grady Sizemore. However, they never got over losing a 3-1 lead to the Sox in the ALCS and traded away consecutive Cy Young Award winners, who ended up facing each other in the World Series. The Browns struggled for many more years, but had a good season in 07, falling a game short of the playoffs. They of course tanked in 08 and are on their 5th head coach since coming back, which is as many as the Steelers have had since 1965. The new regime traded away several first round picks and is now starting a terrible qb to prevent incentives for the backup.

AL (After Lottery): After the Cavs won the lottery, they obviously took the Akron born home town kid Lebron James (Be warned, man crushing will ensue). After winning the Rookie of the year, the “King” took the downtrodden Cavs to the NBA Finals in 07. Of course, Lebron and his band of Fighting Cavaliers got swept by underrated Tim Duncan and the Spurs. Lesson 6. Then in the 09 season, Lebron won the MVP, best record, and swept his way into the conference finals. After dropping only the third home game of the year in Game 1, James came up with Cleveland’s first miracle in a while. Alas, it was not to be, as Mike Brown couldn’t figure out how to defeat the pick and roll, and the Cavs were done in six, preventing the Kobe-Lebron finals. After all the anguish and all the heart break this city has endured, we hopefully now have a savior. We now have a Jordan or Elway. If he goes to the Knicks in 2010 without delivering what he was born to do, the city with implode and destroys itself if it hasn’t already done so. Hell, if only he could play for the Browns.


Further enjoyment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zURAqa65F1Q&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlSdItmoZbk&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evzSA7_yJHw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJAO7Dp1mds&feature=related
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1155655/index.htm

100% Fanhood Theory

Due to many allegations from people about my allegiances and my accusations of other people’s allegiances, I have come up with a plan/theory which will hopefully solve all fan base questions.

Due to the fact that we live in a country which embraces several sports (not just one, cough, soccer, cough) there comes a time in which some sports are favored than others. The NFL is regarded as the top sport in the country, with the Super Bowl being the biggest primetime event each year, etc. But talk to someone from Red Sox country, LA, or the South (where the Falcons, Panthers, Titans, and Saints don’t count) and we’ll differ. Obviously there are differences and some cities have stronger ties to other sports. Hence, allegiances waiver for each person and each city. That is where my hypothesis comes in. Not every fan is going to be dedicated to just one team or one college. Come Sunday the die hard college football team fan is bound to root for a pro team and visa-versa. The tailgating chest-painted “reliving his glory days” college football attendee is going to find his void the next day watching a NFL team, maybe starting an alum from his beloved college. Therefore there are two teams this now stereotyped fan roots for. How about when winter thaws out and the now stereotyped fan is in football withdrawal and must fill his weekends with sports to avoid going to home depot and olive garden with the wife? This is when college and pro basketball come into his life. At the same time the NHL and college basketball are kicking up. Eventually when the leaves start turning green, brackets are being filled out across the country and Mr. fan is checking his MLB depth chart. Then the NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, Tennis and every other sport I failed to mention are in full swing until Labor Day, when Mr. fan places the order for his bbq tailgate the days before his favorite football team’s opening game.

The point is that after all of this, is that Mr. fan has many teams to choose from, and many allegiances. Which is his favorite? The NFL team he grew up with? The college he went to? The golfer who used to play at his course? The soccer team him and his coworker enjoy watching? That is where the 100% theory comes into play. The Theory is that your fanhood is divided up among your favorite teams (every sport, college, pro, etc) to 100%. For example, a stereotypical fan from Dallas might have his fanhood split 40% Cowboys, 30% UT football (went there), 10% Mavs, 10% UT bball, 5% Stars, 5% Rangers. This can obviously waver due to the season, but when it comes down to it, would Mr. fan be crying over a Stars loss more than a Cowboys one? Is Mr. fan more crushed over the Mavericks loss in the first rd vs the Warriors or the Cowboys loss to the Eagles last year? If you don’t believe in the percentages, just think about which Mr. fan would be more upset about. There is an inherent ranking system in your head. Where would you rank your teams? I know it seems cold and calculated, but think about it, you would give up whatever to see [blank] win the title this year. Which team is filling in that blank? It’s not just seasonal, there’s the draft, free agency, spring training, preseason, and recruiting to think about as well.

I’ll admit, after doing this, there are teams I watch all the time and root for that are only 5-10%. So should I be crushed when that team doesn’t make the playoffs, has the worst record, as compared to teams that are my 30%? That’s the point. You bite it and take the higher percentage. So next time you are whining about a team that is only your 5% against my 30%, don’t come crying.

In case you are wondering:
Browns 30%
UVA Football 20%
Lebron and his band of Fighting Cavaliers 20%
Caps 10%
Nationals 5%
UVA BBall 5%
Skins 5%
Tribe 1%
Colts (Pretty much just Peyton) 1%
Wizards 1%
UVA Lacrosse 1%
UVA Baseball 1%

(Fantasy teams do not count, since they traverse cities/teams and involve money. For example an Eagles pick 6 against the Browns ended that game but won me at least $50 at the time. Also national teams, like the US World Cup team, Olympic teams, etc don’t count because if you root against them you are a communist and should be arrested)

Intro

After a while of being lazy, I'm finally getting around to making a blog. Most of these posts are going to be Cleveland or Sports related. I have no idea how often I will update this, but think of it as an extension of my long winded away messages, and those were frequent.